why am i not attracting love

Youll meet an endless parade of partners who seemingly prove that youre right. So. I did suffer an isolated incidence of sexual abuse as a child. Or is this a typical pattern for you? just cannot. I had never looked back. I am just numb so I was wondering if this have to do sexual abuse that happened when I was little, Hi Mary, if you know that sexual abuse happened, it is likely related. Relationships are certainly about compromise, no doubt about that. It ended badly, he cheated on, he made a move on my best friend and I broke up with him. At the end of the day, all relationships are 50-50, it just isnt possible any other way. Hi Ryan, if we feel destroyed by one relationship itself then it tends to be because this relationship has triggered much older issues around love, rejection, and abandonment that come from childhood. And if you consider yourself to be a spiritual person, Im pretty sure youre familiar with it. If they think you need any kind of proper diagnosis, they can refer you on to a psychiatrist (although we dont think the answer here is drugs, we are not American.. we believe that support and talk therapy can help in most cases and is a better long-term option, drugs just mask the pain over solve it.) I know I have anxiety and depression. You might find our guide to healthy relating useful. How will I live like this not to mention how will i have a healthy relationship OMG. But if you feel anxious about things, it might be that this relationship has triggered anxiety from childhood events. What was your childhood like? He loves brand new socks, plain white crew socks. The only way I could ever know what it feels like to be intimate with a woman would be pay for it, and I wont do that because I believe that exploiting women is repulsive. I havent felt that way ever since my crush moved away, it hurt me and made me cry a lot, now on this day I havent felt anything near what I felt when I was a naive child that had a crush, I have been in so many relationships to find the love that I wanted to feel for so long. I feel good about giving to people help with whatever, but I just cannot expect them to help me back or accept any help from them because I hate feeling like I owe people. Why am I not interested in love anymore? - Quora Men can have it too. That's why I'm attracted to men who aren't interested in me, because then it's like I've proved myself deserving, I can love myself for the love I inspire in them. I am also very black and white thinker which I would like to work on as help. Another possibility is that you just dont feel ready for a relationship. Actually I never noticed my family waving. In fact wed suggest instead of focussing on the answer right now maybe start asking some really good questions. It still feels like an elementary crush. A good partner is someone who is loving and supportive. The damage that is done to me is forever I feel love should be easybut its always been wrong. So wed definitely say your childhood has negatively affected you and you would be wise to seek professional counselling. We question, reject, question, get upset, reject. . The same thing happened with another friend of mine who has been in my life for 2 years. every single atom and all the tiniest particles in the entire universe . Or maybe I just like the idea of love. In any case, we would actually recommend seeking the support of a counsellor or therapist on this. What if youve had therapy all your life but never seem to get any answers and can relate to most of the above on this article. Hi Ellie, well first of all, there seems a lot RIGHT with you. Wed suggest you look for a therapist who specialises in helping those who suffered abuse, or to consider therapies that are not about talking but about processing trauma. I became arogant towards them, cold, uninterested. Its just way too much to handle alone. I have said that I think we should stop seeing each other as I am not comfortable about the other women, yet he doesnt want me to go. Of course everyone is letting you down. Youve spent your life becoming this person, and you need to make a proper commitment to sorting this out. But it didnt hold me back to know her. Hi I typically avoid interpersonal contact and social functions. I dont know if Im subconsciously too picky, or this is some weird hunter instinct (check, next) or Im just not built for anything serious although companionship is what Im really looking for :S. Hi Paul, its really hard when we feel not chosen, unloved, rejected, and have bad experiences with the opposite sex. I also seem to always pick the wrong woman and also woman that are broken and troubled. Unfortunately too many generations of men had to live up to this unrealistic standard and we find a lot of men suffer depression and isolation because of it. It also sounds like you feel you are unable to make changes, like you have become mired in victim mode where you have convinced yourself there is no way out. But relationships and intimacy, this sort of love requires commitment and hard work. Where do I even start to work on this. I have had many crushes over the years but nothing has ever happened. Nobody else can provide your sense of self, only you can. And at aged 21 you probably hardly know yourself, either. All interesting things to explore. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/authentic-relationships.htm Otherwise, it sounds like youve found a nice person who it might be worth getting to know. Anxiety, if youve been experiencing it for more than six weeks, is worth seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist about, before it spirals into depression or an anxiety disorder. Please help me figure out whats wrong with me. We would say that relationships are challenging, and they require honesty and slowly getting to know someone to work. At the end of the day, if you are man, and you are being yourself, are you not being a man? Seems a lot to explore here, way beyond sex. I mean at least I thought it was love. What we can say is you could really benefit from support. Crap it died too. Of course this is not true. Believe it or not, despite what movies and social media might force down our throats, you are very young to be in a serious relationship or know what love is. Gary, we appreciate that you put the smile, but surely thats got to hurt. You didnt feel special or good enough. You see love isnt like the movies or books. Hi. So wed say this has nothing to do with love at all. Consider the cells in your body. There are millions of women who cant attract their soulmate. It lasted for two years and was a bad relationship. Which isnt going to attract anyone. Hi Mana, so heres the thing. The real problem here is that we live in a very completely different time today since this unfortunately isnt the good old days anymore when love was very real in those days. And lets remember that a lot of abusers tell their victims that they love them. So I decided that if everyone is going to look past me, Im going to look past them. Shannon Fagan/Getty Images. Can a neuropsychologist solve this problem? Its also highly normal to suddenly feel afraid and to hide this under, say. I am very pessimist about people. This often stems from childhood trauma or neglect, or growing up in an environment where you werent allowed to develop healthy attachment with a parental figure where you could trust them to always be there for you no matter what. You might find schema therapy interesting, or one of the therapies we recommend when it comes to relating issues http://bit.ly/findlovetherapy. Wed recommend you continue with your research and maybe try some self-help books, and remember that learning to trust if we havent seen our parents do it takes time and their will be trial and error, and thats okay. You say there no way out. And we get a sense that you feel disconnected and its frustrating you? Its perfectly normal not to be head over heels with your first boyfriend of 5 months. Whenever i Do fight with my brothers They used to say Im girl so I should be like a girl. 18 year old guys are too stupid to know how to date you. How do I deal with this? I do not tell him I Love Him as I know he would flee, as he has stated many times. And abandonment issues are deep rooted, they come most often from childhood trauma. I block them out, I find every flaw in them and push them away. Hes had fun but I feel like it wouldnt last like that. For the past two years, I was in a relationship with a really nice guy, he treated me so well, but despite all I never felt that attracted to him, hed tell me that he loves me & that hes crazy about me, and I could see it in his eyes, I just never understood him,for me It seemed nearly impossible that a person can feel that way towards someone else, Id ask myself how could he feel like that ? Ive found myself quite attached to some people in my life growing up, mostly teachers. I have also had my fair share of rejection in the past as well. What if its actually normal to not be sure about love and who to love at 17? I lose interest quickly and withdraw. It seems easier to take an angry, limited view of the world than process the pain. Spending time together is great, being at the center of attention 1 on 1. Hello, The truth is, when you don't feel enough love on the insidewhen you don't feel good enough, lovable enough, smart enough, anything enoughyour default is to move into trying to get someone else to make you feel this way. i love him but i just cant fall in love with him is it because im depressed or maybe dead inside? Second 18 is actually really young and it is NORMAL to not have been in love yet. Unforunately. To fall in love we have to be willing to see and accept all of someone, their good side and their bad side (which we all have as humans). Youd have a healthy relationship and the most amazing sex and love life possible. In fact you use the word abnormal. I need help. The more you would focus on the sexual issue instead of just general communication and honesty, the more the insecurity/fear pattern would just grow. So as to whether this friendship is or isnt your big problem, we cant give you an answer, but we can say its unlikely simply as you are too self aware of the situation. Love is about being there for each other. Men who cannot compete on the level of ambition, or motivation, or confidence. Could you look into it? If I see something he can tell I like he will often buy it on the spot. Two times larger men than me was crying. We dont know the whole story, so we can only really ask good questions. If you in the past had a relationship with an addict, there might be codependency issues here you need to be aware of. Its been loke this for nearly 5 years now. If you were with someone for four years and he didnt love you then why did he stay in the relationship? We end up driving away the very things we deep down want very badly like love and acceptance. Its getting up in the middle of the night when they say theyre thirsty and getting them a drink. Love is never constantly intense. The months following after the breakup she didnt stopped asking me if I was fine, she even told me many times she probably made the wrong decision. I ended up marrying him on the basis that he is a great person and a great father and Ive always believed that marriage should be first then baby. Best, HT. I want to love intimately. While being with him, everything was content. Do i love him or not? But the problem is that this tends to backfire. . Why You Keep Attracting Unavailable Partners - Psychology Today We both came from back grounds of our exs destroying the family life with drugs. Living without real connection is a serious problem, its good you see that. This sort of pattern can come from a childhood where we had to be a good child to be loved, we had to please our parents. But so does anything, such as maintaining health, making money. Any advice ? I have been married for 17 years and my husband still doesnt understand the difference between spending time beforehand on getting a gift or picking it up on the spur of the moment. . Look, you say you arent sad about it, but we are definitely hearing some loneliness here. Please give me any advice you have, like any. Best, HT. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Andy, thank you for sharing all this. On one hand, general love, to see others are equal to us and we are all worthy of love, can be easy. During high school it was often about finding a boyfriend or just somebody to like. Does love feel out of control for you? But wed suggest you do some research on what healthy relationships and love are. Hi Summer, thanks for sharing. I am a 17 year old girl and Ive been in three relationships. The reason why we get along so well, her being 20 years older than me, is because we are both funny as hell and we share the same type of humor. Do you realise this is NOT love? But we really believe that if you take the time to find a therapist you really feel you can trust youd be amazed at the progress you can make on these fronts. For a past few days i am feeling like this.There is nothing wrong between us, He loves me Deeply , Cares for me alot. . But its one thing to see the problem. And either sabotage the connection or just leave? Ive never believed in love that lasts. This society can feel terribly unfair, and can be shallow and horrible. Ive been in treatment and doing a lot better regarding my condition feeling Im in recovery, but I feel coming out of treatment l that no one will ever get close enough for me to fall in love. I got allong with people around me very well. That was the point of time, my life changed to a way better one. Do they actually tell you they wont work with you or do you decide they dont like you and leave? I grew up loner wolf. You may not be aware of your unconscious thoughts, beliefs and emotions. We dont think even a professional astrologer would say that that is a reason to never be in a partnership. If you are by chance a teenager, a lot of these feelings are actually perfectly normal. Maybe not. We have a free guide here bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout. Were you allowed to be fully yourself at all times, and respected for that? Without knowing how long the relationship was and how long ago the breakup was, its hard for us to offer advice on that. It might only take a few sessions of talking to someone who doesnt judge you and you can share all these hurts with to start to feel like yourself again. I cant stand the thought and every time that I might feel something for someone I repress the feeling and sometimes it had happened that I would lose interest in them and/or disappear. I really respect her. But I think I am too afraid to get attached to people romantically.I know something is wrong with me.I do not want to depend on others. Whats interesting Ronya is that you say you dont want a codependent relationship then go on to describe very codependent behaviours. And by doing this we essentially reject ourselves. So what wed say is there is not instant answer. I dont want to waste anymore time chasing love when I have a dream Id rather focus on. Its a lot of risk. We would suggest that its worth your time to talk to a counsellor or therapist about. How often do you think about finding a partner? 2. Who is the real Oliver, without this need to be in a relationship? But if you do not have any memory of sexual abuse, then it could be all sorts of things. What are your goals? How are you working toward them? I made up with several boys, but I never actually felt something for them. Ive never had a relationship, never felt love, and have been living in a world of loss. This is kilLing me. I dont know whats wrong with me. Or you would not be here, researching and reading about love. We need to find healthy ways to face up to the issue, and possibly seek support to do so. My Mother the Compulsive Hoarder a Case Study, How to Prepare For the Loss of a Loved One, Do You Have a Victim Personality? Counselling is more than worth it on this front as it helps you put the focus back on yourself and helps you raise your self-esteem. When love ends it can take time to move on, and it can take even more time if the relationship was a long one. First of all, in our experience, we have never met a perfect person. I want to learn to accept my fears and face them. These are the perfect kind of issues to take to therapy and issues that therapy can really help with. It can sometimes mean, like in the case of schizoid personality disorder, for example,you dont even feel an attraction to others in the first place. Its nothing to do with being defective, you just dont like her that way. And are you sure those fears are real? I didnt marry until I was in my late 30s but was lonely and wanted a family.
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