my child puts no effort into anything

school, there are some alternative private high schools that might be a better fit She is getting As, but is unhappy with the overwhelming amount of work she's done over the past three years. He does well on tests, but gets low grades due to his lack of effort on projects and homework. As these skills deficits become more and more difficult to hide, students who are embarrassed or frustrated by their struggles often stop trying to conquer them. due to small class size and innovation. This situation sounds just like my 14 year-old, down to the "sometimes almost brilliant" who just brought home 3 C's "work turned in late/incomplete." only later i heard that i could have taken the equivalency test and gotten out earlier, and was angry that nobody had offered it to me. the things he loves. -It's great that you are pursuing therapy to find out whether depression is a Frank Oz has sure had a weirdly varied career. And even more finally, what is he passionate about? So your son is doing better then mine did. Any negative behaviors that tip the balance? Try a therapist. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Sheriff Grady Judd is briefing the media regarding the arrests of twelve people in a family-run drug trafficking operation in Winter Haven called Operation Family Affair. I wasn't parented in this way, and so it doesn't come natural for me and most parenting pages haven't been helpful, they've been vague, or are only other parents venting with no practical help. It's not for everyone, but it is an option for youngsters who want to learn but just can't get excited with high school. Not only does this provide them with a more flexible way He has been complaining about this for at least a year now. transferred to top UCs. Evie, I'm an educational therapist working with intelligent teens who are having problems in school for one reason or another. Just a thought for you to try them out and see. My smart 16-y-o son (at BHS) has been utterly unmotivated since jr. high. He says the teachers don't like him. of meds, at least for high pressure academic situations -- SATs, tests, papers. Kids of all ages sometimes struggle to get motivated in school. You can read more or send him an email from his website, www.paulthetutor.com His phone number is (510) 301-5302 Good Luck, Parent and Teacher. Give him opportunities outside of school. I will try some of the ideas presented, especially about it mattering to me. But limiting cellphone is also an impracticality, which makes parents believe that they have the tool of last resort, while in fact they do not. I also did not know how to go about it. It has definitely brought some balanceto our household. We've thought about tutors, mental health professionals, college counselors etcwhat I'd like to find is a neutral adult who would talk with him about his choices, his motivation and help him think/see clearly what he wants. These difficulties may pop up at different times, as each years curriculum requires higher levels of skill. To some of us, limiting cellphone is the consequence of last resport, when nothing else works. I'm an educational therapist, former staff member at UC Berkeley. While learning disorders and other skills deficits are most commonly associated with a lack of interest in school, there are other common diagnoses that manifest in this way. See how were answering the call today and building for tomorrow. How should I disapline him for this? my son went there, and it changed our family dynamic so much that my daughter decided to go and teach there for two years just to ''give back.'' Sign up for our newsletter and get immediate access to a FREE eBook. Important for an ADD kid. That sense that you And that is because aside of physical force, which we do not want with a teen, there is no way to make them give away the phone. The behavior you describe matches 100% of what we had to go through with our teenage son, and we had the same initial reaction as you. Eventually, they gave up. and a little bumpiness in a transition like that couldn't have been worse than the hell of depression - being in an obviously stultifying place (suburban high school). Hi, I wrote a few weeks ago asking for advice on how to help my unmotivated 9th grader (boy) who is irritable and not performing in school to his ability. When they find theyre not meeting the level of success, kids have a tendency to give up, because whatever theyre doing just isnt working.. Create a secure account with Empowering Parents 2 follow up with celebrations and rewards. Weird child acting, questionable tropes but some ground breaking special effects. Its a common but serious source of worry for parents: You start to notice a lack of motivation and commitment in your childs attitude towards school. In the past our approach was largely hands off--giving our kids opportunities to learn for themselves how to manage their time and schoolwork. This approach works for me and my daughter, I hope it works for you! going on with your son that really might not have anything to do with the Her SAT's were not great. Gaming can be very addictive to a teenage boy, and Ive seen some kids cut school etc. Everybody is motivated in some way. He thinks instruction would be better for him. Colleges look for not just grades, but depth, breadth of life experiences as well as ability to take on rigor. If they say theyre bored, what do they mean by that? flummoxed mom. 'It burns wild and free up there': Canada fires force US crews to shift As this opinion becomes more and more mainstream, more and more kids will stop wanting to try hard at school. -Many high school aged learners in the alternative education world take classes at think outside the box. Frustrated and exhausted by your child's behavior? He is a good guitar player, but doesn't seem to want to do anything with it, dropped out of a band b/c it is not ''my kind of music.'' It is important to support your student to find their passion and how to be great at what they want to be. Urination Pain in Boys | Children's Hospital Colorado Holden, and two years ago my son graduated from Holden as well. And dont take his word for it because hell tell you he doesnt care about anything. Would you like to learn about how to use consequences The misconception that kids are lazy is one of the most common, and most destructive, misunderstandings of children. Pick Your Own Path, I would encourage you to contact Tilden Preparatory High School on Solano in Why Children Pout | Healthfully You can find out quite a bit from the observations of counselors and teachers - for example, they saw my daughter smoking cigarettes in the park across from Berkeley High - something I never saw until much later. Concerned mom. We have taken away his phone & I-touch and his dad is threatening to kick him out if his grades don't improve. Produced by Nina Feldman and Will Reid. He puts no effort into anything except his 3 hour videos that come out once a year and even those are delayed because they are soooooooo hard and time consuming :(Reply . Seek out some large privelege or material thing he wants, and either tie it to the report card or give it and say it will be taken away if the standard isn't met. Tell your child clearly when to do chores and schoolworkand when you want them done by. She does excellent work with teens and relationships. So, now instead of his letter grades, I focus on the learning. Physically Punish Your Stepkids. factor for your son, or not. Very warm environment, engaged teachers and students. All Rights Reserved. Just because your son doesn't have them now, doesn't mean he can't develop them. Educational therapists can also help with college plans. However, we have hit the same problem as usual. As they notice that they are causing concern from mom and dad and receiving attention for their behavior they will . Last semester was a total loss. My suggestion would be to make an appointment for a check up with his pediatrician. An embarrassing incident? They think, "I won't forget to do it.". What is the reason that it is so important to me that she works hard? High school isn't for everyone. He's always relied about natural talent rather than hard work but we used to be able to get him to do his work - now he doesn't actually rebel - he just sits in his room without doing anything. Kids put no effort into school because at school the teachers tell kids what to think about, which forces kids to stop being creative and curious and just focus on passing tests. With Carlos Prieto and Rachelle Bonja. Home / He and I both are wondering if this would even work for him considering he's so unmotivated and seems to have such a problem doing the work. Yet he complains that we don't have sex. contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your Check out Holden, they may be able to help your son. anon, My 16 year old son was also unmotivated in school--bright kid but not trying, happy to get C's and an occasional B and hang out with friends and play video games. Rikki works at JFCS/East Bay, a nonprofit social services agency in downtown Berkeley. If it helps I would be happy to talk to your son to help find out what he is interested in or you can both email me. We talk about life beyond school and what challenges might come up as a result of his academic indifference. Unless your son is being held back by depression or illness (you can check those things out), then maybe he just doesn't care that much about music or track. You didn't include many details like your son's age, grade, or emotional struggles -- but hope this helps. They have full scholarships for qualified students. After talking to other mothers and teachers, I have found that the junior year is extremely stressful. programs often depend on existing school requirements and therefore are not the Tell your child that what she does matters to you. of the time there just is none. Ive always just done the bare minimum to get by and Im always seeking comfort but Im never comfortable cuz I kno Im not living up to my full potential. surviving the teen years? Those colleges are far from Berkeley, but they do have online classes. I'm sure you have met with his teachers at school and discussed his grades. grade and test score crap. 7 year old makes no effort with anything - RollerCoaster The two passions he has are role playing games and video games. Sometimes they really are bored; sometimes their schoolwork is being affected by emotional issues; but quite often they are showing the effects of a learning disability or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Once he has developed a better work ethic and is getting decent grades, or at least grades you are convinced reflect his best work, then you can think about things like whether he has the right devices to "fit in." Have you seen him carry out project he is interested in? There are many possibilities. Anonymous, Just an idea, have your son look at this school http://www.simons-rock.edu/. Its how they try to solve the basic problems of everyday life. Or an mom of two teen boys, Can you please recommend a female therapist to work with a high school junior who is struggling and needs help? I help my sister with her 2 boys after their father's took off and I took them in because they needed somewhere to live. I am anxious to hear what the others have to say in response to your post. But so mellow that I began wishing she cared a bit more. Our ideas of what is reasonable or practical may be stifling to them and not necessarily what will work in the marketplace for their generation. When your partner seems minutes away from packing. There are many potential reasons that a child might be turned off by school. Hosted by Katrin Bennhold. And how do they earn them? statewide crisis hotline. Kids learn early on that when they give up or act helpless that someone will step in and help them. I dont think its like that at all. "When I was in High School" "All the Things you Have that I Didn't Have" etc. He seems to think straight A's are required to get into a four-year college, and he doesn't understand that 's just not the case. You can sit him down and say you've noticed this pattern, and you're concerned that it will affect his ability to have fun and succeed, now and in the future. So be it. Talking to the childs teacher can help you understand whether your expectations are reasonable and whether theyve noticed a problem. every question posted on our website. Does he like going fishing? tumultuous time for both the young person and the parents involved. Questions-- (1) Do any of you have experience with Lexapro in teens and its affect on anxiety (or other side effects)? I do not know exactly why there is not much effort on the student's part, but have some ideas it is related to emotional issues. To the parent, the behavior looks completely out of control. I used to sign my son up for all kinds of activities, hoping he would get excited about one of them. But I'm always open to new ideas, so if anyone has something, send it on! Our 13-year-old suddenly developed test anxiety and his grades dropped. He's been to the Doctor and he's also in therapy. We started with a wilderness program (they work with kids who have just behavior issues, not drug related) and have moved onto residential treatment programs. 9 Things a Stepparent Should Never Do We just don't know what to do. Be supportive and patient and remind him everyday that you love him. I hope this is not what you are dealing with. July 5, 2023, 6:00 a.m. Your job as a parent is to help him by coaching him to meet those responsibilities in spite of his anxiety, fear, or apathy. Even if your child has a bladder infection, it cannot be spread to others. My 10yrold boy puts no effort into anything - Ask Me Help Desk She has not had any luxuries for months nowI don't know what to do anymore..I am at my breaking point..praying that this helps!! Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to "How will you get into college with a 2.3 GPA?" I had to drag my son to the open house and then I couldn't get him to leave.it's a wonderful place. community. They want to have an apartment. And yet even though he so stressed out, I see him doing very little to remedy the situation. We tried therapy, which he refuses to go back to. He In addition many teachers respond to e-mails and you can ask them if he turned in his HW. 761. Barely. The Lets be honest, the old saying, You can bring a horse to water, but you cant make him drink is true. My Wife Puts No Effort Into Our Marriage (I Put More Effort Into Our We got to the point where all video games were unplugged and packed away, he does not have a phone, he could not watch TV, he could not go outside and play with friendsaside from removing self sustaining things like food and locking in his room (neither of which we are going to do) what else is there? Parents often think that if they can find a new way to encourage their child, he or she will magically start achieving more. At school he rushes through his work, sloppy, forgets things, lies about missing work. This article was last reviewed or updated on April 27, 2023. attention from good teachers, 2) the lack of social pressure -- there is really need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please If school doesn't excite him, then what else will? As a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, several thoughts came to mind as I read your e-mail. Enrolling your child in these programs can seem extreme and be expensive (depending) but they are well worth it if it gets your young person back on track in the end. critical reading portion of the SAT. Learned Helplessness: Are You Doing Too Much for Your Child. | Meaning, pronunciation, translations and examples We hired Kevin for weekly sessions, and we're very happy with the results. Make sure everything is earned. Intimidation aggression physical abuse and violence Are you concerned that your child may physically hurt you or others? Why not schedule a session with an educational therapist who can help you determine what's going on with your son and how you can best deal with the situation? If she's struggling, don't ask if she wants help. You have reminded me HOW to do it and shown me I'm not helping in some areas and how to improve my approach. Same goes at home, when asked to do a chore or about homework, he throws a fit and disrespects me so bad. etc. A very worried Mom. another possibility that comes to mind is giving him more autonomy while staying where he is. -Self-directed learning skills can be learned and supported in their own right. I would try the book, He's Not Lazy, by Adam Price. It could be that they are experiencing anxiety or a mental health disorder, or maybe they are bored and not being challenged enough. He doesn't get A's in school, but if they gave grades for his other skills, he'd be getting high honors. My best wishes for you and your family. This is a major factor as to why only 43% of college admissions are boys and why leading economists are saying the reason young men aren't working is because of their gaming. I'm sure there are more opportunities out thereespecially If he's not motivated, there's not much you can do but they do eventually mature and figure it out. She would be especially well suited for your daughter. Good luck. How to Motivate a Teenager with ADHD - ADDitude If not, some kids feel unsafe, some will work it to their advantage, and some may act out in order to get their parents to work together. Teens with ADHD and executive function deficits often think their working memory is better than it is. Enjoys scouting but not the work that can be associated with achieving Eagle. Empowering Parents connects families with actionable tips, tools, and child behavior programs to help resolve behavior issues in children ages 5-25. loves to read, that losing his books might motivate him, but he just "meh" and sits in his room with only his furniture and clothes after he loses something. It depends on the nature of the difficulty and their strengths. First, the parenting of teenagers just isn't something to feel that confident about unless your child is a mutant. At home he's uncommunicative and moody, but with his friends and other adults (teachers, coaches, etc.) school, can be a Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority.. He might see other kids not doing any work and passing anyway. Reddit, Inc. 2023. We have been very pleased with MFT Betty Tharpe. experience and looks very good on college applications. I'm bookmarking this page. What to do? There is nothing he seems to want to earn. He does not do homework in courses(some are difficult for him), tells us that all is ok at school but grades are proving otherwise even in his favorite courses. "Generally, childhood anxiety actually gets worse when parents are very loving alongside using corporate punishment," says Lansford, who suggested maybe . I feel for you and your son; I speak from over a decade of very similar Have patience with your son, he sounds like a very normal 14 year old boy to me. Older parent having battles with Teenage Boy over effort,media and honesty with parents! These may be what experts call gifted kids, whose intellectual capabilities are much stronger than most of their peers.
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