Allowing your staff to get to know you better. For example the difference between a long decline illness (eg dementia) or one with recovery (eg rehab after a car accident) would affect how long youre likely to be in your current multitasking situation, and I can imagine a boss wanting to know if its going to be getting worse or better. What was not predictable for me was the PTSD and panic attacks, which exacerbated other physical issues and left me unable to work for six weeks following his memorial. I figure if they want me to know, they will offer the information (if there is any new information to even offer). Its probing for personal and medical information thats way out of line. You can also assume that when employees are under higher levels of stress, pressure, and burnout risk, you may be less aware of it in an office-less world because you cannot see them. My group does share things. But yeah, once a boundary is established, it needs to be respected. But they want to drink your sweat, and they will not be dissuaded from being ALL the way up in your business. But if she is constantly looking in your direction in an almost hypnotic and intentional stare, shes got it bad. Culture is often defined as how we do things around here, but a more precise definition would be how we generally do things around here, because culture is an aggregate measure of individual variability. I have a similar problem, in that my boss does this to everyone, both for things our employees are personally going through and for things affecting their families. Noise is a vast and largely unrecognized threat to your health. If a female coworker suddenly starts really asking you about your personal life, shes showing real interest in you outside of the office. We therefore know that frequent communication, check-ins, and empathy will be appreciated, but managers need to learn how to do this remotely, in a cold, virtual, and sterile environment, and understand the rules and norms that work best for each employee. While getting personal at work can sometimes be challenging, the right attitude and some proven get-to-know-you questions can get the process moving in the right direction. I work for a family owned company. Look for a new job on the side, but don't tell your coworkers how unhappy you are. Its nearly always a sign of dysfunction. Its totally okay to be a private person but also important to remember that no everyone feels the same way as you do, and if your coworkers treated everyone the way you wish to be treated, there would be people on the other end of the spectrum who would be upset.. Whats making you happy right now? EAPs are independent and though they are provided through your employer, they should not be reporting the details of your private situations. Theyre not evil bees, but theyre very very nosy. At the same time, there was a phase in my life where I wanted to share zero zip nada about my home life with coworkers, and that makes me very reluctant to ask others personal questions. I probably not be able to keep myself from saying something like Quite frankly, I am disturbed by your inability to respect my boundaries and my privacy. If I was feeling really bold/aggressive, maybe even add in Do you treat your actual family this way, too?. Telling if a male colleague likes you is not as difficult as you think. Its better to approach it as assuming this person is genuinely in need of help form your employee, and genuinely important enough to the employee that the employee really does want to give their time helping them. Im so non-sharing that my boss at my old job didnt even know when my wife and I had our first child (thankfully, it occurred on the weekend, so I didnt even need to take time off). Thats what their friends or family or religious figures or counselors are for, not their office. I wouldnt take 10 seconds to take a call on my cell from my only living parent and it annoys me that people would give him precedence in my life over the people a bit further down the DNA strand I actually care about. The result is that the manager cuts hangnail Jane some slack while being tough on arthritis Mary and fibromyalgia Wakeen. Now they arent at as nosy as the LWs, but Ive had luck with: Thank you for asking, I really appreciate it. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Zero . Well your questions are upsetting to me. By Career Contessa It's not exactly a formal world out there anymore, so how do you draw a line between your personal life and your work? Id appreciate it if you didnt bring it up again. And then excuse yourself for 10-15 minutes to pull yourself together. Women who are already in a heterosexual relationship with a more family-oriented man experience less work-family conflict and are more satisfied with their lives.. If youre trying to figure out whether a woman you work with romantically likes you, pay attention to the types of compliments she is giving and who is hearing them. I am also an intensely private person. Receiving If your gut is telling you that she only wants to be work buddies with you, dont risk your professional reputation (or hers) by making any advances. These kind of approaches work with people who have a basic respect for boundaries, and/or people who relate to others normally but havent quite realized they are being too nosy for someones comfort. But your colleagues dont need to know whos sick, what with, and what treatment they are getting, etc, etc. Made her mad, but oh well. The answer you need is a reasonable one, but OP doesnt have to say its cancer, its a car accident, its a drug overdose, my sisters wife beat her, its a heart attack. They just have to say its a one off treatment, so barring complications, these days off. Its ongoing so this time frame, this amount of days. etc. But I do not wish to divulge all the intimate details of my relatives illness or my illnesses. Personal life is personal, period. I am absolutely confident that my EAP is confidential, and felt very safe sharing my situation with them. My guess is that she will forget the incident within a few days. Im doing okay. So youll need to determine how far you can go with calling them out and being straightforward, without endangering your job. The thing is that other employees may be going through their own version of X, if not a more serious Y or even a horrible Z, but they arent sharing their situations with the manager. Its not okay for an employer to say no because you just werent close enough Uncle Fred to qualify if only youd exchanged more post-cards, or hed been your father instead, then we could give you time off to care for him while he dies of cancer. Ditto. 7 body language signs your date is digging you, 10 signs your wife is emotionally distant (and what to do about it). What IS it with coworkers who want to be in other peoples pockets all the time? Fun story time- my mother and I work in the same department of a large company (Its weird, I know. I do not know if I could handle the situation with grace at all. If you hate your job, keep it to yourself. The reality of life in general, but especially in a workplace setting, is that there are many people you really should not trust with private information. Does she seem to notice every time you wear a new shirt or have a new cologne on? Its important to find out though because if you make a move and youre mistaken, it could end up costing you your job and your reputation. Thanks for understanding. Concern trolling combined with MLM. But if youre in a doubt, the following signs should be of help. I was honest with her. My wife and I share our income in a joint bank account; wheres my check for 50% of the company revenues? I like to tell stories and look at pretty things. She wants to get to know you beyond spreadsheets and Zoom calls. to Know Your Co-workers We used to look forward to bringing our whole self to work. Oh yes, I completely agree. Q: No Im talking about treatment. I agree that the OPs stance is appropriate. Be willing to listen to others without inputting anything on your end because all it takes is a disapproving look to start a conflict. Wow- yeah at this point you have a boss problem and not a concerned colleague problem. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. If things get so bad at your workplace that you can't safely talk about much beyond the weather, that's a sure sign it's time to go! Asking can be a sign of concern and care. Or, if you notice she does the same type of thing with other people, it may just be her personality and she communicates through touch. Dont engage with their so-called reason! You know someone is ill/injured, they need time to deal, you dont need to know any more than coworker having hard time, can we help? The problem is that with SOME people (not you, and probably nobody in our commentariat,) they want to do the calculus. Agreed. Would it help to tell them that Relative really doesnt want you to talk about it? an acquaintance I recommended proselytized to all my clients (with singing), employee lied about his mom dying, coworker is a magpie, and more, my new employee is the parent of my childs bully, how to ask for a raise (because you need to), our remote employees were excluded from our company appreciation day, people keep asking why I wear pantyhose, career coach wants me to use someone elses job title, and more, the faked heart attack, the very smart dog, and other (amazing) stories of pettiness at work. In fact, my wall is decorated with a map and that's it. The author's father, circa 1981. 4. And probably T-shirts. . Noise is a vast and largely unrecognized threat to your health. It makes catching your married colleague staring at you one of the most obvious signs that she might be into you! The speech is simple. Your coworker is surely attracted to you if he tries to know about your relationship status. I had a close family member go through extended and traumatic medical issues during which time I was their primary caregiver. Sure, but see, now theyre answering YOUR question: Them: nosy question He compliments you often. So, as organizations become moreproactive at monitoring employees behaviors, with the goal of reducing health risks and improving wellbeing, they must also equip managers with legal and cultural guidelines to ensure lines are not crossed. It prompts me to make the call without putting any burden on me to remember to call her regularly and lets me do it at my convenience. At six months, the current breastfeeding rate stands at 56%, while at one year, it drops to 36%. Get to Know You" Questions Ive been there. 12 Noticeable Signs A Male Coworker Has Crush On You Ive fallen down, skinned my knees, and broken my heart to pieces. Definitely. I think being as blunt and vague as possible is the only way to go Im dealing with a family situation and while I appreciate your concern, I really do not wish to discuss this any further. Some behavior that might qualify as just another day in the typical fraternity (binge drinking, petty theft, drunk driving, abusing farm animals, and so on) shows everyone you work with that, when push comes to shove, you have poor judgment and dont know where to draw the line. I provided the requested documentation and worked the agreed-upon schedule. My brother and I somehow both wound up as Ill call you if its important or interesting kinds of people; our mother is a just called to say hi type, which leads to frustration. When Im not sitting in silence, capturing the musings in my head, I am joyfully spending time with my two young boys. My colleagues are great overall but I am very discreet about my personal life. Is it because you have offered no information on your personal circumstances, and is it possible that they are just trying to get to know you better. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. The last thing anyone wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. Have you thought about trying it? Im often okay with talking about myself, but when it comes to questions that are *rude* or especially invasive, I feel its more a matter of principle. It comes across as very rude and disrespectful and its putting me under additional stress, so would you kindly stop? Thats how I survived my boundary-stomping parents for my entire childhood. Published: Jan 28, 2020 By Kate Johanns The line between your personal life and your work life can get blurryespecially if you've connected with your colleagues on social media. It doesn't mean I'm trying to keep it secret, it's more like my coworkers haven't earned the right to know about my personal life. Maybe you should try exactly what you said above. Going more personal without being unprofessional: Some employees might share more information than normal, and some might be even more protective. But if the OP just said Shes sick and was hospitalized then that could mean a range of different care commitments. That is incredibly intrusive and uncalled for. Theres a reason a lot of us like to draw a line between our professional and private lives, whether were introverted or not. Best of luck with this as of a CEO. Is your boss trying to turn the workplace into some kind of cult? Since you have a team-building event coming up, maybe thats an opportunity to address them all at once. Im already dealing with my own health and then on top of that, helping my family member with their medical problems, not to mention trying to keep up in my full-time job, which has been a big challenge. Sometimes maximum awkwardness is worth it, if it means you can be honest. Anything from speculating on a colleagues sexual orientation to making a relatively indirect comment like, Oh, to be a newlywed again, plants a permanent seed in the brains of all who hear it that casts you in a negative light. Why invite that situation by giving unnecessary details?). And team building activities every month? ! I find when people are badgering you really hard and being nosy, you can say Why do you need to know? This will work after you have tried politely deflecting someone and theyre still bugging you. You must know where the line is and be careful not to cross it, because once you share something, there is no going back. I dont want to talk about it too much, but Ill let you know if theres ever something going on that will impact work. I was taught that if someone wanted you to know something, they would let you know. Sorry, had to get that out of my system. I wrote my earlier comment without having read the rest of the thread. Give yourself the time and space to deal. At work, sharing the right aspects of yourself in the right ways is an art form. Then make a tasker to follow up around the end of that time frame if you havent before to give an update on schedule/impact (or if still in flux extend your dates). Co-Workers know nothing about my personal life A strong culture, such as a cult, is defined by less individual variability, which is why to anyone outside that cult it is shocking to see how homogeneous, predictable, and systematic, their members behavior is. Also, Published: Jan 28, 2020 By Kate Johanns The line between your personal life and your work life can get blurryespecially if you've connected with your colleagues on Here are some important boundaries to keep with your bossand how to keep from the dreaded overshare at work. Just make it about them being helpful and supportive, so they can feel good without you having to give up the deets. To be sure, any changes to employees levels of performance pre-pandemic may be affected by a wide range of factors, including WiFi speed, office space, home distraction, childcare challenges, and mere domino effects coming from other employees or team members being impacted: every employee is a small piece of a bigger system so even if they are not affected you can expect their performance to change because of major changes to the system. Hello, breakers, In the past, work and home were two very different spheres. I love it! When you open up to someone, you run the risk of being rejected or judged. In a matter of months, the jobs that havent gone have gone fully virtual,the physical office has been evacuated or extinguished, and thealready elusive boundaries betweenour workand personalspacehave all butdisintegrated. While the client and others at the client site have been very respectful of my situation by giving me space and not prying further, the people in my small company have been continuously pushing me for more detail and constant updates. He Digs into Your Personal Life To Know What You Like. As the organization gets bigger, it becomes harder for leadersto maintain their trust in themselves trust that would allow them to stay human and prevent your vibrant startup from becoming excessively buttoned-down and corporate. Mind you, when I divulged when our second child was being born because I NEEDED to take a day off to be at the hospital, he apparently freaked out the day I was gone, wondering where I was because he had forgotten about the day off that I had requested and approved over a month prior. In addition, young women find family-oriented men more attractive precisely because they think they are more communal and better parents. Personal life is personal, period. I wasn't happy that my teammates ratted me out, but I told Lynn that it's a lot harder to come to work these days than it was when I started the job 17 months ago. Thats already horrible. Thank you for your concern, but Im not comfortable talking about it, because if people keep bothering you after that, they just look like a jerk whos disrespecting your boundaries. In other words, yes, she likes you. Last year one of my coworkers lost everything in a house fire. We brought in donations. You definitely dont need to do it with colleagues. But being aware of how they are looking at you is the only way to differentiate between an accidental glance or real lust. On top of that, she reveals a few simple techniques you can use thatll change the way you approach women for good. Subject: One event involving a friend, a pet, or that nutty driver who did NOT look before pulling out. Go to boss/CEO/HR and report their hostile behavior. When she makes a comment to the team, is she looking at you for signs of approval? They are people you have been forced to work with for a source of income. Thats why he starts discussing things that arent related to work. Most people dont like to share too much about their personal life. The company CEO is one of those types that believes the employees of his small business are a family and that everyone should be open about their lives. At the next team-building event (which they have every month UGH) Ill try the last two things Allison recommended. Managers must adhere to the laws and ethical guidelines that apply in their countries, and these are mostly the same rules that were in place prior to the pandemic. While many government authorities, including the EEOC here in the US, have provided some latitude given COVID-19, privacy requirements under HIPAA, CCPA, GDPR and the like, are still applicable. All of this information is clearly presented on their website, and is reaffirmed when you make contact. Briefly express compassion about the situation, and then quickly move on to the work. 7. If Im taking time off to help someone with a recoverywere close enough and people really need to mind their damned business. Also note, said company also does not have an actual HR department, as the CEO chooses to wear multiple hats, including HR Director. But if youre in a doubt, the following signs should be of help. I will talk about food or books/TV/movies (of the non-political variety) with almost anyone. Ive changed my mind. They arent wrong in that you can actually get fired by some private employers for sharing political beliefs. Thats not to say that I dont try to be empathetic and understanding. I guess Im more cynical than Alison. How private are you about your personal life at work? : If you keep prodding after being told the person doesnt want to elaborate, its nosy prodding, pure and simple. This seems like an obvious one but theres something to be said about genuine and intentional smiling. Does your female coworker often use we and if sentences like Well, if we were a couple, I would never treat you that way or We have so much in common!? Its a nice break to just be able to focus on work when Im here!, 2. Have you seen any of the above cause trouble for people at work? Do not say this if you want to preserve your relationship with your colleagues and boss. Until then, say nothing. Theyre already breaching social etiquette by ignoring your refusals: I dont think you need to feel you have to try another method or way of wording it to see if something lands. If your coworker asks you a ton of questions about the kind of family you grew up in, she is likely trying to better understand your values and commitments and whether or not you are family-oriented. Besides, Im at work to escape all of that. So giving a little in terms of what the supervisor needs to knownot specifics of the treatment itself but how it will affect the workwill probably get the OP a much less stressful result. Ive used tactic 1 with success. She may start using we and if sentences as a subtle (and maybe even subconscious) way of telling you that she wants there to be a we. The problem here isnt that the OP is being cold or not understanding other peoples personalities; the problem is that their workplace has terrible boundaries.
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